Tops and Myth
Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Top Ten Signs You're Dating a High Maintenance Girl

Gentleman, too many of us fall prey to the High Maintenance Girl. And too many of us don't see the warning signs until it is, alas, too late and we have been reduced to snivelling, weak, insecure shells of our true, pre-High Maintenance Girl days. To that end, I present to you my list of Top Ten Warning Signs that You're Dating a High Maintenance Girl. Enjoy. And get out while you still can-- denial helps no one.

Number 10: She wears hats (not baseball caps), especially of the wide-brimmed variety. Nothing screams Luvvy from Gilligan's Island like a damn hat-wearing girl.

Number 9: She ties a sweater around her waist. This one is controversial, but more often than not, a girl who tries to hide her big butt with an expensive sweater is high maintenance. See, what you don't know is that she spent at least 45 minutes adjusting that thing to look perfect. And what *she* doesn't know is that it just makes her ass look bigger by drawing attention to it and adding another couple inches.

Number 8: She loves to order wine with dinner. Listen, eating out is expensive enough, I don't need you to add another $36 for a couple ounces of liquid that you'll inevitably complain about. Truth: the happiest alcoholic moments in any guy's life have NEVER involved wine, so we obviously don't need it. The only reason we have it is to pretend to be sophisticated so high maintenance girls can like us. Lame. Super lame.

Number 7: You get dirty looks if your car isn't spotless, inside or out. In other words, she's embarrassed to ride with you based on the superficial aspects of your car. I'm a busy man and I park my car outside. Washing it today just gives the bird's a more satisfying target tomorrow. I'll wash it for special events or if I become a road hazard, but anything beyond that is a waste of either time or money, neither of which I have in copious amounts.

Number 6: She comments on what you're wearing-- when you thought what you were wearing was totally snazzy. I'm not talking about the guys who wear threadbare clothing or mismatch colors or whatever-- we need to be called out when we do things like that. I'm talking about you wearing a nicely pressed shirt that you're pretty convinced is cool, and she just crushes it with the ever-familiar "Um, what are you wearing?" or my personal favorite, "Where'd you get that shirt?"

Number 5: You're always late wherever you go, mostly because she takes six and a half frickin' hours to get ready, wherever you go. Worse yet, to you, she looks exactly the same at minute 15 as she does at minute 380. Now watch out, because this one turns passive aggressive quickly. Soon, you'll start to notice that she's *especially* late when you're supposed to go somewhere with your family or your friends. But tread with caution, because if you bring it up, you can expect a royal crushing since she'll get emotional and say 'How dare you! I'm just trying to look good for your friends and family because I want them to like me!' Lose-lose situations are so much fun!

Number 4: Everyone can get away with things, except for you. Her family treats her like crap? She's still their lapdog. Her friends totally stand her up? No biggie. But you, my dear friend, better *always* be *perfect*. If you ever bring this up, wear armor. She will say something about how she holds her boyfriend/husband to a higher standard and then you'll somehow look like a jackass even though you're right.

Number 3: You try to do something nice, and she totally misses the point and finds the one possible thing you didn't do right. Surprise her with breakfast in bed and she'll bitch you out for not making her favorite toast. Get her flowers and she'll make some comment about it being the wrong season for the ones you chose. I don't have to give any more examples, because the sinking feeling in your stomach is providing you with visceral reminders already.

Number 2: You have to constantly worry about her at social events. You can't just walk away and chat with some friends without making sure she knows where you are or comes with you. You're always concerned that she's not having a good time-- because she's not. She won't mix with anyone, and all of her conversations are superficial and your friend's all come away thinking she's cold and/or bitchy. You know the most demeaning part of this situation? You can't even go to the bathroom without telling her, lest she start looking for you and not find you for five minutes. You don't want that to happen as you'll get the royal bitch-out on the car ride home and she'll threaten to not come to events again. You secretly celebrate that option, but can't show it.

Number 1.5 (had to squeeze this one in there): She refuses to drink water that comes from a tap, even if its filtered. This not only demonstrates high levels of maintenance, it shows that she's basically an irrational idiot too.

And the number one sign you're dating a High Maintenance Girl.......

Number 1: She rains on your parade. Not a drizzle either, but Noah's flood. If you're happy, your girl should be happy. If you're happy and instead your girl finds little snide remarks that on the surface seem supportive but over time actually dig at you, you have yourself a high maintenance girl. Want an example?

"Honey I got a raise"

"Great... now you'll never leave that job."

"Umm... thanks, I guess?"

There's more where this came from. I'm your soothsayer, your truth-bearer. I call it like I see it. Shoot me a line if you want to talk.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Top 5 Reasons to be an Entrepreneur

p>Something that I am asked every couple weeks is “why entrepreneurship?”. This is a question that always makes me hesitate, and I’ve noticed that my reply is never exactly the same. Yet deep down I know it’s what I love and would do even if the world was topsy turvy and making a lot of money through entrepreneurship wasn’t possible.

Let’s examine the decision to be an entrepreneur. It’s a complex topic so I’m going to break it down into a few posts exploring the benefits, disadvantages, misconceptions, and motivation behind entrepreneurship. I recently read that lists are more likely to attract traffic and since I have neglected the blog this week let’s begin with what I feel are the top 5 reasons to be an entrepreneur:

#5 There is an Upside

There aren’t a whole lot of categories that most of the world’s rich fall into. Inheritance, real estate, and business are the main three as we learned in New Venture Creation at WLU. It’s hard to be born rich or inherit the family farm, but business unlocks a path to real wealth potential. Whether you build it up to a multi-billion dollar venture yourself or sell while it’s hot, there is definitely money to be made. But is it all about cash? That’s a topic for a future article.

#4 If You’re Bored You’re Doing Something Wrong

Running a business is an incredibly diverse “field” to be in. Through my ventures I have been exposed to incredible and interesting knowledge ranging from business fundamentals such as marketing, accounting, sales, and customer service to the importance of time management, goal setting, and even exercise. I literally view the world in a completely different light now than before I became involved in business. Everyday I find myself learning something new and being immersed in a different and new area. You can’t get much further from an assembly line than this.

#3 It’s More Satisfying than Roller Coaster Tycoon or Sim City

I’ve always enjoyed playing simulation games. While Doom was the hot item with most of my friends I really prefered Sim City and other empire building games. It’s an incredibly satisfying feeling to start with nothing and end up with something absolutely amazing. I believe in seizing this building attitude and applying it to life. Afterall why should I build a virtual company when I could apply the same concepts to real life? Treating life as a game may sound silly as first, but frankly I’m having a lot of fun.

#2 Thinking is Rewarded

Running a business may be hard work, but that’s certainly not what you are rewarded for. Often times burning the midnight oil is simply the bare minimum for entry into business. Your returns come from working smart, and the quality of your ideas and creativity are now directly tied into your revenue size. A single good idea can make you $10 000 in one hour while slaving away for 40 hours on a bad one can have virtually no return.

While working a regular job isolates you from the risk of no return on bad ideas, it virtually nullifies the incredible return on good ones. Imagine coming up with a way to save your boss $30 000. You’ll be lucky to get a $500 bonus, and in all likelihood you will receive nothing at all.

#1 Success is in Your Hands - A Whole New Job Security

Headlines constantly barrage us about the lack of job security in so many sectors. GM and Ford are both laying off masses of people. I’m only 21 and I have already been laid-off twice. I’ve also only ever been an employee twice. Having a job these days, even with a massive company, provides only the illusion of security. Why let your well-being depend on the decisions of a CEO, whose absolute #1 priority isn’t your future? Ensuring your own prosperity and achievement of your goals is ultimately the responsibility of one person and one person only - you.

We’ll even things out in the next entrepreneurship post when we discuss the multitude of reasons to not be an entrepreneur.


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Previous Posts
  • Top Ten Signs You're Dating a High Maintenance Girl
  • Top 5 Reasons to be an Entrepreneur
  • The Top 10 Reasons to Postpone Sex
  • Top 5 reasons why “The Customer Is Always Right” i...
  • Top ten reasons Geeks make good fathers
  • Top 10 Accidental Discoveries
  • The Top 10 Craziest Science Stuff you didn't know
  • The Top 10 Reasons to Be a Librarian

    August 2006 / September 2006 / October 2006 /

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